I had like 5 different comments pop up in my mind as I read this piece. But I’ll just say: (1) THANK YOU for this. And (2) I’ve had 5 surgeries, and the video games I used to scoff at others for “wasting their time” on became so important for me as I struggled to move and not solely focus on my pain. I just love that you wrote about this! Now to download Tetris…
You had me way before the mention of stem cells but that is what caused me to comment. My brother has a rare blood cancer, received sc from our other bro in Feb and they have not done what we all dreamed they would. Bro will donate again next week and bro will get a booster. I don’t pray these days, but I do light a candle at church each week for Brian. This week I will light it with hope in for your new cells too KJ.
Somewhere scripture says that the Holy Spirit "groans " for us when we have no words to pray... I am the world's worst at knowing where to find those passages, but it is something I hang on to in my wordless moments of hurt.
I’m so sorry they haven’t done what you all need them to do. Stem cell transplants are a whole huge thing beyond what I’m experiencing! So hard. This is stem cells taken from my iliac crest—so, my own. For this, it apparently works best to use your innate stem cells. I’m so hoping it actually takes better this time, since last time it definitely didn’t 😕.
So glad my son Nico could inspire you to play video games, a fact of which he is quite proud. That pizza dinner was sacred in many ways. As you embrace play, I hope you find relief from your suffering. Sending you love from California.
Ha, he *should* be proud! I had zero interest in games before talking to him, and now I have this little hobby that’s giving me so much! We are so glad we got to meet Nico. Next time, I hope we get to meet you!
Perfectly said. Thanks KJ for writing in midst of your pain. Silliness, laughter and The Snake Game on Apple TV are getting me through relocation, Lyme disease, re-entering the work force at 54 and empty nesting! Video games are definitely underrated with us old folks.
So good to hear from you; I noticed the silence and was praying it meant you were focused on healing. It sounds like that’s just what you did, and we are all better for it. This post is so timely for me, too, and beautifully composed as is what we’ve come to expect of your writing. I’m amazed by the grace and skill still oozing out of you amidst the pain of recovery. I remember listening to a podcast years ago about the protective and healing effects playing tetris has for those who experience trauma. I’ve never forgotten that. Ive not picked up my figurative pen in quite some time either, and have wondered if all the words have drained right out of me. Instead, I’m choosing to believe God is providing rest for me—from serving, from giving and giving and giving. I am embracing quiet, play, and receiving —even if it’s simply through watching my recent obsession on Prime (Endeavor) like that’s my job. My life has been poured out for so long at such an intense pace; it’s okay, even necessary and good, for me to rest and receive.
That’s very kind of you. I’m so glad you are resting too. I like to remind myself in these seasons that the best words always overflow from rest. They are never gone. Just forming. Just waiting for me to be ready for them.
I may have to check out this version of Tetris. I've enjoyed playing Tetris at various times. Now, I play Woodoku on my phone to reset when anxiety around living with chronic illnesses spirals. Monument Valley, Flower, and Journey all have beautiful graphic design, though the gameplay is totally different from Tetris.
Your ability to witness while being witnessed is a gift. Thank you. What made me smile the most was reading that you held certain experiences close to you.
For me, In the span of three months, the things to which I cling in order to form my projected identity were stripped away. I felt like a little bébé (hat tip, Moira Rose), which sounds lovely in some ways—to be cared for instead of doing the caring, to not rest instead of merging into the constant hustle that is our culture—but in actuality, I was terrified. I still am terrified, even though I have graduated to toddler status while the “holes of my health” remain. What has saved my life is hope and laughter. The focus of this hope has shifted from expecting a complete healing, which I am in the process of accepting may not occur. My body may continue to hold pain. My brain may continue to function in a new way. [Insert deep breath.] My newfound hope is founded in becoming more and more a being of love. Pain and confusion have left big 'ole holes throughout my habitual experience of my own personhood. These holes, as you so beautifully wrote, “become the place love drops in.” And, the sweet laughter buoys this hope as Spirit does her mysterious work deep within. Lucy-and-Ethel escapades with my mom have worked wonders for my soul. Divine and loving acceptance has manifested as laughter at holy irony.
Thank you for sharing and for your hope-filled words. Truly, they are life-giving to me. Holding you in love and light. Blessing the holes and the laughter... and everything in between.
P.S. I wish I was able to support you by subscribing. If things shift for me, know you are at the top of my list!
we have been rewatching Schitt’s Creek every night for weeks, so hi I love your Moira reference 👏🏼. I so resonate with what you said, that your aim is becoming more and more a person of love. Me too. In the end, I think it’s all that truly matters. Loving and being loved.
three cheers for video games, and long love silliness!!! i don't think i could've gotten through the pandemic without comedy, nor come as far in healing from spiritual harm without video games and an online community centered around them. and from the very beginning my favorite thing about my husband has been how he can almost always get a laugh out of me.
I have one game in my phone that puts me in mind of Tetris even though it involves numbers in blocks...no not Sudoku (that's my husband's jam), this one is called Drop Merge. I can get lost and intrigued by it for an hour and feel like it's only been 15 minutes.
Humor is huge in helping a body heal. You know, endorphins and all that. Glad you and your hubby have been able to do that this episode. May you keep making memories together for a LONG time!! And bless you for sharing. So thankful you are in a place where you can write and share.
And now I’m blown away that You, most beautiful, would respond to me. You are in my heart every time I see you on my feed. You inspire me thru dark days. Gods got you babe. Keep blowing us away by your strength in Yahweh🌺🩷🩷
Love this, and SAME. Video games get such a bad rap these days, but you can find me playing Mario Kart—stealthily beating each of my children who need to remember who came before them in this realm. ;) I’ve also recently been browsing “cozy” games and researching ambient room lighting ahead of the cold days of winter. PokemonGo is a favorite around here, and now I’m building my Pokédex alongside my elementary kids while we explore our city. I am PLAYING again and having fun, and I know how much it took to get back to this place. Maybe if we millennials can figure it out, we can do a virtual Mario Kart party in the future ;)
You are amazing! Thank you for putting your life on paper (well, virtual paper.)!
I am 74 and deal with old age shit.. fibromyalgia, lipedema, IBS, arthritis. Just a lot of normal old age pain stuff.
But you, YOU! You are young and vibrant, regardless of your physical situation. You are an inspiration to many.
Thank you! I’m praying that those bones of yours will grow strong!
Hugs,
Cindy LaFrance
Hey, “old age shit” (😂) is legit too!! Thank you, really, for your kind words.
I had like 5 different comments pop up in my mind as I read this piece. But I’ll just say: (1) THANK YOU for this. And (2) I’ve had 5 surgeries, and the video games I used to scoff at others for “wasting their time” on became so important for me as I struggled to move and not solely focus on my pain. I just love that you wrote about this! Now to download Tetris…
Oh! And do try it. Tetris Effect is the one we love!
I used to scoff at video gamers too!! Like, “oh, you could be reading a book!” Little did I know, they were onto something I truly needed. 😂
"a gift cloaked in grief is still a gift." whew.
🥹🫶🏼
You had me way before the mention of stem cells but that is what caused me to comment. My brother has a rare blood cancer, received sc from our other bro in Feb and they have not done what we all dreamed they would. Bro will donate again next week and bro will get a booster. I don’t pray these days, but I do light a candle at church each week for Brian. This week I will light it with hope in for your new cells too KJ.
Somewhere scripture says that the Holy Spirit "groans " for us when we have no words to pray... I am the world's worst at knowing where to find those passages, but it is something I hang on to in my wordless moments of hurt.
Thank you for seeing me. ♥️
You are most welcome. ❤️
I’m so sorry they haven’t done what you all need them to do. Stem cell transplants are a whole huge thing beyond what I’m experiencing! So hard. This is stem cells taken from my iliac crest—so, my own. For this, it apparently works best to use your innate stem cells. I’m so hoping it actually takes better this time, since last time it definitely didn’t 😕.
So glad my son Nico could inspire you to play video games, a fact of which he is quite proud. That pizza dinner was sacred in many ways. As you embrace play, I hope you find relief from your suffering. Sending you love from California.
Ha, he *should* be proud! I had zero interest in games before talking to him, and now I have this little hobby that’s giving me so much! We are so glad we got to meet Nico. Next time, I hope we get to meet you!
Yes, we need to meet in person some time. Would love that. Meanwhile, I hope those video games keep bringing you joy and laughter.
Nico is amazing. Jason too, though ;)
haha. Yes, I’m pretty fond of them both. :) They both speak highly of both you and K.J.
Perfectly said. Thanks KJ for writing in midst of your pain. Silliness, laughter and The Snake Game on Apple TV are getting me through relocation, Lyme disease, re-entering the work force at 54 and empty nesting! Video games are definitely underrated with us old folks.
Love that you have a game that’s helping you too!
So good to hear from you; I noticed the silence and was praying it meant you were focused on healing. It sounds like that’s just what you did, and we are all better for it. This post is so timely for me, too, and beautifully composed as is what we’ve come to expect of your writing. I’m amazed by the grace and skill still oozing out of you amidst the pain of recovery. I remember listening to a podcast years ago about the protective and healing effects playing tetris has for those who experience trauma. I’ve never forgotten that. Ive not picked up my figurative pen in quite some time either, and have wondered if all the words have drained right out of me. Instead, I’m choosing to believe God is providing rest for me—from serving, from giving and giving and giving. I am embracing quiet, play, and receiving —even if it’s simply through watching my recent obsession on Prime (Endeavor) like that’s my job. My life has been poured out for so long at such an intense pace; it’s okay, even necessary and good, for me to rest and receive.
Praying for your own rest and joy to continue.
adding Endeavor to binge list...
That’s very kind of you. I’m so glad you are resting too. I like to remind myself in these seasons that the best words always overflow from rest. They are never gone. Just forming. Just waiting for me to be ready for them.
I may have to check out this version of Tetris. I've enjoyed playing Tetris at various times. Now, I play Woodoku on my phone to reset when anxiety around living with chronic illnesses spirals. Monument Valley, Flower, and Journey all have beautiful graphic design, though the gameplay is totally different from Tetris.
Ooooh those sound fun!
Hugs, friend. Praying for physical healing even as I praise God for your faith, mental healing and the joy of play.
Thank you!
What a beautiful read from a beautiful person. Thanks for reminding us to play!
play on!
Your ability to witness while being witnessed is a gift. Thank you. What made me smile the most was reading that you held certain experiences close to you.
For me, In the span of three months, the things to which I cling in order to form my projected identity were stripped away. I felt like a little bébé (hat tip, Moira Rose), which sounds lovely in some ways—to be cared for instead of doing the caring, to not rest instead of merging into the constant hustle that is our culture—but in actuality, I was terrified. I still am terrified, even though I have graduated to toddler status while the “holes of my health” remain. What has saved my life is hope and laughter. The focus of this hope has shifted from expecting a complete healing, which I am in the process of accepting may not occur. My body may continue to hold pain. My brain may continue to function in a new way. [Insert deep breath.] My newfound hope is founded in becoming more and more a being of love. Pain and confusion have left big 'ole holes throughout my habitual experience of my own personhood. These holes, as you so beautifully wrote, “become the place love drops in.” And, the sweet laughter buoys this hope as Spirit does her mysterious work deep within. Lucy-and-Ethel escapades with my mom have worked wonders for my soul. Divine and loving acceptance has manifested as laughter at holy irony.
Thank you for sharing and for your hope-filled words. Truly, they are life-giving to me. Holding you in love and light. Blessing the holes and the laughter... and everything in between.
P.S. I wish I was able to support you by subscribing. If things shift for me, know you are at the top of my list!
we have been rewatching Schitt’s Creek every night for weeks, so hi I love your Moira reference 👏🏼. I so resonate with what you said, that your aim is becoming more and more a person of love. Me too. In the end, I think it’s all that truly matters. Loving and being loved.
three cheers for video games, and long love silliness!!! i don't think i could've gotten through the pandemic without comedy, nor come as far in healing from spiritual harm without video games and an online community centered around them. and from the very beginning my favorite thing about my husband has been how he can almost always get a laugh out of me.
shalom to those beautiful bones of yours 💚
Whoa!! I love love that video games have bright you significant community after spiritual harm. That is really beautiful
Thank you for writing this. I have ptsd and often take life too seriously because I’m so afraid. I love the reminder to bring play into pain. 🤍🤍
Oh SAME. I am far too serious often, and tapping into silliness is truly so healing for me. Maybe video games can help you go there too!
I have one game in my phone that puts me in mind of Tetris even though it involves numbers in blocks...no not Sudoku (that's my husband's jam), this one is called Drop Merge. I can get lost and intrigued by it for an hour and feel like it's only been 15 minutes.
Humor is huge in helping a body heal. You know, endorphins and all that. Glad you and your hubby have been able to do that this episode. May you keep making memories together for a LONG time!! And bless you for sharing. So thankful you are in a place where you can write and share.
Thank you so much, Shauna!
You are my inspiration!!! Prayers and love sweet Kj🥰
🥹 thank you so much!
And now I’m blown away that You, most beautiful, would respond to me. You are in my heart every time I see you on my feed. You inspire me thru dark days. Gods got you babe. Keep blowing us away by your strength in Yahweh🌺🩷🩷
Love this, and SAME. Video games get such a bad rap these days, but you can find me playing Mario Kart—stealthily beating each of my children who need to remember who came before them in this realm. ;) I’ve also recently been browsing “cozy” games and researching ambient room lighting ahead of the cold days of winter. PokemonGo is a favorite around here, and now I’m building my Pokédex alongside my elementary kids while we explore our city. I am PLAYING again and having fun, and I know how much it took to get back to this place. Maybe if we millennials can figure it out, we can do a virtual Mario Kart party in the future ;)
Also, lol, I so have not figured out the online play stuff yet either 😂
The amount that I love this is LARGE. I adore knowing video games have been part of your trauma healing process too 🥹